Alone

   Life is so crazy! I will never understand it. I have had some great days and evenings over the past few days. I have made some very nice friends, and I am very pleased about that. But somehow in the midst of all this fun and happiness, I can have a terrible day. A really terrible day. Nothing in particular sets it off either. It just starts sometime in the morning. Something inside me decides, "You are going to be depressed about this certain thing all day."
   Perhaps I have too much time to think. When I walk to class and watch all of the other students pass by, many of them are on their phones talking, or texting, or listening to music. Maybe they don't have time to think and be sad because they are surrounding themselves with stimuli most of the day. You know what I'm saying? I don't know how they do it. I have thought about pulling out my cell phone, but who the hell would I call? Who are all of these people talking to? Man, I don't think I would want to constantly communicate with others anyway, even if it did prevent me from thinking about things that make me sad. So I guess I'm glad I'm not like those kids, constantly doing stuff. I like thinking. I guess I just need to start thinking about better things; things that don't make me want to cry or scream. That would be good.
   It is sort of weird though, not having someone to talk to about everything. I do miss that. But I guess that is dependent and weak of me to think. I should be comfortable on my own. And I mean, I'm never alone. I have God with me every step I take. However, sometimes that is much easier to forget than to remember, and even harder to believe than to remember. I feel alone the majority of my days. Prayer? Needed.

College sucks the money out of you

I am so broke, so very broke. My card got denied legitimately at the register for the first time tonight.
I should have made better decisions with my money this summer. Maybe I should get a job after all. I guess I'll see how these first few weeks go and after the first group of exams I'll see how I handled my load of classes, and if it wasn't too difficult or time consuming, then I know I can afford to get a job.
Oh well. No groceries for me this month! I have even been driving incredibly slowly recently in order to conserve gas. It's awful. It's like I'm not even the same person anymore! 80 mph or faster are usually my happy place on the road. Now I'm rollin' along I35 going 65 mph.