A Change of Heart?

I really wish that sleeping was not necessary. I sleep so much every day. I would have so much more time if I didn't, and I would probably get so many more things done. Whenever I have a day to myself I am usually disappointed at the end of that day, because none or very few of my goals were accomplished. I wanted to make potato soup, take a shower, clean my room, do laundry, write my paper, read my text book, and spend time with God. That really isn't an absurd amount of things to do from 1pm till bedtime, which is around midnight, but even if I accomplished half of those things I would be proud of myself. But what what did I end up doing? Falling asleep (for 3 hours) as I read my textbook, spending probably around a total of 5 hours on Facebook throughout the day, and maybe making a sandwich or cooking some mac n cheese for myself. I would love to manage my time better. I think I would be so much happier if I did. HELP. I need one of those life coaches or something! Just kidding. That's lame. I just need self discipline.

Also, on a different note: It is funny how I can go months being completely content and sure of myself in my current "status" in life, and then suddenly, I am not so sure. Is this really what is best for me? Did I really choose to be single for a year or more for the reasons I say I have? Am I actually learning and benefiting from this time like I hoped I would? Who knows. I'll have to think on this.

Although I am in no way perfect and life is even less perfect, I am loving every second of it. Even the moments I am crying and desperate, it is great. My friends are wonderful, God's creation is astoundingly beautiful, and He loves me so much. I just wish I could love others and myself half as much as He loves us. Tomorrow I'll be talking to kids on campus about Jesus (for the second time!), and I'm excited. I am definitely not comfortable evangelizing, but I want to push myself out of my comfort zone. Hopefully it goes well, and I am sure I will learn something new.

One Large Step

   So, I decided to take the first real step towards healing tonight. Apparently it was the right decision. Unfortunately I cannot sleep right now because of the emotional state this step towards healing has put me in. I'm hugely upset right now, but that's only natural, right? Right. Well, here's to moving on. Tomorrow will be a better day. It has to be. It can't get any worse than this, can it? That is debatable actually.
   What an odd week that has already been! Surprise test, a good old fashioned pep talk about the past being only the past, and a new found hatred of all things warm and fluffy.
  

College Update

I hate it when I accidentally miss classes! I don't feel too comfortable with missing, because, well, I feel like I probably missed something important and valuable. Plus I am blessed to have my parents be able to pay tuition for me, and I don't want to waste a dime of their money. But I accidentally slept in this morning and woke up nine minutes after my class had started. I swore, slapped my forehead, and hopped out of bed. Got ready, checked my facebook, and was about to get some food when I realized it takes me an hour to get to class every morning, and I have an 11am class. It was 10:20. Damn! Missed that one too. Disappointment. Uhg.
Oh well. What's done is done. I will try and make the most of this accidental skip class day and this extra time I now have. As soon as my profs post their lectures online after class I can go check them out and take notes from them. Hopefully my grades won't be hurt by these few missed classes.
Speaking of grades, they are definitely not too bad. I am proud of myself. And when I apply myself even more to my studies (I recently have been having a hard time balancing socializing with studying time), As all the way baby. I have a very low A in anthropology, an A in posi, an A in 2D design (my saturday class), a high B in my basic drawing class (this class is very challenging for me to get As in, prof grades hard), and a B in my art history class (this should come up to an A hopefully). So yeah. I'm smart, what's up.