Suffering for a Cause

It's difficult to be at peace, have joy, and persevere while having allergic reactions and other gastro-intestinal problems every day. Even after spending hundreds of dollars (more like thousands) of my parents money on therapies and supplements to get me better, which resulted in me initially getting better, I have only returned to my poor health again.

I wondered why. I used to get really frustrated and confused with God because so many of my friends were praying for me to be healed, and I was praying for healing, and I truly believed that God could do it. Maybe I didn't have enouh "faith". Maybe I didn't really have enough faith that He could heal me, and so God was holding back from healing me. When I started to consider the idea that God may not heal me, some people told me "No Catherine! Don't believe those lies. God can heal you, and He WILL." As time went on I kept praying, kept being frustrated, kept crying, and kept feeling guilty for having feelings of sadness and depression about my lame health problems that I refer to as my "suffering". I knew that there were so many worse things that could be happening in my life. I was blessed and provided for in comparison to millions of other people all over the world. Even so, I was bothered greatly by my health. One night while I was crying out to God, I realized that I may not actually get better. What if it as God's will for me to stay sick, at least for now, or maybe even for always. What if I could actually bring God more glory in my life through my sickness? "God, whatever brings you more glory, whatever Your will is for my life right now, bring it on", I told Him.      

  I just know there is a reason for my suffering. I don't know why or how I will better glorify God this way, but I am going to try to live in obedience to Him. God's will be done in my life. I will glorify Him through anything He has for me. I'll try, anyway. I am going to thank Him for my allergies, for my bloated stomach, and for my blistering skin. I may be an unfortunate looking rashy girl with a pregnant belly, but at least I will have a smile on my face and a huge purpose in my life.